I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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