I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
