I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
