question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
