I bet he comes in French.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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