He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
