he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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