Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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