I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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