I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
