Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
