I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
ugly people sure do ruin things
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
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