Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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