just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
