Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Randomize
