You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
