imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
