She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Randomize
