he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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