i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize