I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
