I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
