8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
