Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
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