I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Randomize
