These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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