We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
