How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
