If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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