I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
