I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
