my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
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