I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
