like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Randomize
