yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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