I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
