After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
