put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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