Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you guys were way drunker than both of me
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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