Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have surprise drugs for everyone
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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