okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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