i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
