You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
