do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
