hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
