I hate all girls vehemently.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
