I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
