I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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