I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize