i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
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