Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize