I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
