my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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