Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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