dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
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