is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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