the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Why is your signature on my underwear?
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Randomize
