Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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