just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
