i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize