If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Girls should come with a carfax report
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Randomize
