what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
