isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
