I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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