Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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