"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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