no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
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