Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
