You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
