WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
Randomize
