i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
