There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
