fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Randomize
