my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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