i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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