at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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