can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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