I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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