Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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