Have you finally orgasmed yet?
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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