Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
