It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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