just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
