I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
