Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I should be sponsored by Trojan
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
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