I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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