I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
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