I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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