I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
