A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
