Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
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