Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
