Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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