he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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