Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I'm sobbing to NWA
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
