Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
