i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
