i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
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