I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
