I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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